What Is a Friend?

How many times have I tried to create this post so far? Hundreds... At this point I'm not able to turn what I'd like to say into coherent thoughts. I can't even come out with it in an incoherent scramble of words. So, this is going to be my attempt at saying a few things about friends and about love.

What is a friend, exactly? Is it someone who's there to listen to your problems when you're down? Or is it someone who's just there to hang out with you and keep you from being lonely all the time? Maybe it's both. If it is, I feel like maybe I never really had any real friends here in Denton. Although, this definition I have for a friend has room for expansion. Someone who listens to your problems & hangs out with you is kind of a limited definition. However, like I said, I don't know how to turn my thoughts into words at this point so that's the best I can do.

And if that is what a friend is, you would think it wouldn't be so hard to just be friends with my ex, but it's so much harder than I thought it was going to be. There's so much history there. I want to be a good friend but sometimes it's hard to just be that friend & not freak out about some things that I know shouldn't bother me if I was just being a friend. A good friend would be happy that he's moving on; a good friend would be happy that his life is going amazingly well. However, I sometimes cannot help but be upset that he has been able to move on while I have not. It's horrible, but I am human. And I'm still in love with him. This friendship is the only piece of him I have left and honestly I'm ok with just being friends right now but I need to learn how to be a friend & not his lover.

So what exactly is a friend? My friends here aren't exactly the greatest models most of the time.