"I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have the potential to be attracted -- romantically and physically -- to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."- Robyn Ochs
I went and listened to Robyn Ochs speak last night on the topic Bisexuality, Feminism, Men, & Me. It was one of the most enlightening & interesting events I've gone to on campus (of course that's not saying much since I've only gone to a few events period). Though what I mostly got out of listening to her speak was what she had to say about bisexuality, I got out a lot out of the rest of what she said as well. She spoke about young girls' overall body image and also about equality in our society (not just between men & women, but also between heterosexuals & the queer community).
Now back track before the first words fell from Robyn's mouth. I walked into that room that night unsure about my identity. I didn't want to label myself as a bisexual because I didn't understand what that meant. I mean, when I walk into a room I notice the women first. It takes a little while for me to notice the men there, but that's not to say that when I do I don't find them attractive. Shoot I could walk through campus and find plenty of attractive men in a few minutes. However, right now I don't see myself ever having another relationship with a man. So, there's this whole identity issue. I mean I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend so identifying as a lesbian doesn't really make sense. Lately, it's just been easier to not identify as anything. But after listening to Robyn speak last night I think that maybe it's ok for me to identify as a bisexual woman. I'm only acknowledging the fact that I have the "potential to be attracted to people of more than one sex". This definition of bisexuality opens things up a bit.
Thinking on this issue of bisexuality Robyn said some things about equality that really made me think. Things such as she would never hold a boyfriend up to different standards than she would a girlfriend. If a man is sensitive and caring he isn't an amazing guy he's a good guy but not amazing. We would never say that a woman is amazing because she's sensitive and caring so why say that a man is? I'm sure at some point or another I've held a man up to different standards than I have woman just because he's a man. I've said it's just a guy thing, whatever. However, I know I've never said oh whatever it's just a girl thing. I've always held the women in my life up to much higher standards than the men. There's something wrong with that.
Of course, there's a lot wrong in our society. I can't walk freely throughout my hometown holding hands with a girlfriend. However, if I had a boyfriend there wouldn't be a problem doing that. Being bisexual, sometimes heterosexual privilege is thrust upon you. Robyn spoke about refusing to do anything with her boyfriend she could not do if she had a girlfriend. Therefore, anyone she felt she couldn't come out to, wasn't able to know about her girlfriends or her boyfriends. If she knew it would be unsafe to kiss a girlfriend in public she couldn't kiss a boyfriend in public either. I like this idea however it would be really hard to keep track of all of the things you can't do. When you're with a girlfriend you're reminded of the things society frowns upon when you go to do them & dirty looks are sent your direction.
It's not an easy thing to do to be bisexual. There's no way of identifying a person as bisexual unless they just tell you. I still am contemplating whether I even like the word... I'm not all about what's in people pants. I'm interested in what's going on inside their minds. That's what turns me on. I find people physically attractive, yes, but that's last on my check list of things I look for in a relationship. I don't give a damn about the anatomy and what eventually will wind up inside me cuz really it's literally all about the mind fuck for me. So I'm still not completely sure if bisexual is the right term to describe me but with Robyn Ochs's definition it's opened up my mind a bit more.
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