THE BISEXUAL

I used to have a bisexual friend that just couldn't be out, not even around some of her closest friends. I never understood it and at times it even angered me. I'm not sure if she even intended to tell me of her sexuality but in any case on the days when she felt like fitting into the hetero-normative mold a little more than she normally did, she had no problem saying things such as, "Gosh your such a lesbian!" "Could you be any more of a lesbo, haha?" She would then go on making snide, stereotypical jokes about lesbians and gays as if she was completely out of that whole spectrum.
Like I said her closeted lifestyle is something I couldn't wrap my mind around, this is especially since she had previously come out and decided randomly to re-closet herself. Some of her family is aware of her sexuality and even at the start of college most of her friends were too. So, obviously trying to fathom the idea of someone wanting to return to a life filled with secrecy and lies is hard, but now I'm beginning to understand it.
I've started to become "THE BISEXUAL." No one sees me anymore. They see who I'm attracted to and a lot of times they don't even see that far because they put another label on me before I can really explain it. Women label me as the slut or the cheater and men tend to label me as gay. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to be labeled as THE BISEXUAL anymore. I just want to be me.
I'm at a point in my life where I want people to know my character, the flaws, the brokenness, the spiritual amazingness, and my humor in it all. I'm sure everyone goes through moments such as this in which they want to break free from their society given labels & identities. I just happen to be a little annoyed with mine...
So, perhaps I'll slowly sink back into my closet. Perhaps I won't. Either way I suppose something has to change within myself for people to start seeing what I want them to see. I do know it's a no win situation... because being out as bisexual is terrifying and not being out can be suffocating.

Simple Like God

After months of feeling disconnected from the world & God in an impeccable way, I decided to venture upon this world wide web of ours & try & dig my heels into a hard core devotional book. Finding a book that could really pull me back into a life of living rather than one of sad mediocrity was a little bit harder than I hoped for. I also wasn't so into opening up a book everyday just to have it scream at me for the entirety of the pages. Needless to say my search for this life changing literature took me quite a while to find. Finally I came across Blue Like Jazz...
I was almost reluctant to purchase the book because of the fad like presence that seemed to precede it. I can remember a few years ago when almost every person I knew was reading this book.... kind of like Harry Potter or Twilight. Nevertheless it really came out to be one of my only options & I figured sometimes there's a reason for a fad.
Now that I am well into the book I realize that that is definitely the case. The way that Miller presents his ideas about God feels like I'm just talking to a friend & I love that! It's helping me to find a more simple & level plain as far as understanding everything that has to do with my relationship with God. I'm also beginning to appreciate my world and everything in it a little more each day... That is a gift that I think anyone can relate to and hone in on, definitely making it a worthwhile reading.