God has brought the most amazing woman into my life. She brings me so much joy it's almost incomprehensible. What I've come to realize is that I'm tired of hiding my joy from the people that care about me the most. I want them to share in the happiness I'm experiencing. I want them to know all of me, not just the pieces I've given them these past few years, and get to know my lady as well. I want to be able to be completely honest for the first time in years.
I know that telling my family I'm in love with a woman would not result in shared joy. It would result in heart break, and that I think is the hardest thing about it all. I have days when I'm spilling over with so much love and affection and joy and heart song that I almost tell my mom how in love I am right then and there. I build up my speech; I know exactly what I'm gonna say; and then I really think it through, get struck with terror, and break down in tears.
It's a no win situation that I'm put in. I don't want to break my mom's heart by not marrying a man. However, I want so desperately for her to know how incredibly happy I am and to be honest with her about my life! The fact that I can't tell her that I've found someone who makes my world turn round & round is what breaks my heart!
