Passion Burns

I sometimes hate myself for the way passion burns inside me when I look at a woman. I don't get that same passion looking at a man. Maybe it's because I'm so sexually repressed right now... I've never been able to notice the intense difference before. I always knew that when I walk into a bar I notice the women first, but this is different. A passion wells up inside me when I see two women kiss and I get this feeling that I want something like what they have for myself. When I see a man & a woman together it makes me smile to know that they're happy, however I don't get that same passionate feeling like I do seeing two women together. These kinds of feelings are why I was hesitant to label myself... cuz can you really be bisexual if that fire only arises when you look at one man? Am I really just a lesbian who somehow fell in love with a man?

Sometimes...

Sometimes I think about getting in the car, driving until I run out of gas, abandoning my car wherever that may be, & just walking until I arrive some place that doesn't remind me of you. Some place that doesn't even consist of road signs, objects, people, billboards, etc that make my thoughts lean towards how much I miss everything about you. I don't want to think about it anymore. Every night before I go to sleep I can almost feel you with me, but when I wake in the morning you're gone again. Every morning is like facing a new reality. I don't want to feel it anymore. I just want to go some place, away from all that's familiar, & forget about everything and everyone. I want to make a new reality for myself, a better reality. One where I don't miss you in every moment of every day.... maybe, just maybe, if I get away from all of this, this craziness, I won't think of you as much.