Hey I Like Rainbows

Walking around on Wednesday with a baggy tank top on & pants that looked like something in between cargo & parachute pants, I realized that my look basically screamed gay. Really it was like, "Hey guys look at me, I'm a Queer!" I honestly looked like an Alanis Morissette or Ani DiFranco mini me, it was not even cute. And obviously I don't dress like that everyday or I wouldn't have any reason to be writing about it, but days like that I can't help but wonder how my parents or other people in my family haven't realized I've got a little bit of gayness going on.
I understand that you do get used to the idea of a person being straight & it's easy to ignore little hints thrown out there because most people don't want their children to be gay. And honestly no parent wants to jump to conclusions about a certain way their children are dressing or acting, but come on! Days when I dress like this on top of how much of a guy I can be sometimes is like "Hey guys I like rainbows!"
Though I don't dress in my Alanis Morissette wanna be outfits on purpose, I do feel like it would be so much easier for my parents to just figure out that I'm bisexual or at least think I'm a lesbian. So maybe I do push it a little bit with the hints I drop around them "I'm probably not gonna get married" "If I have kids I'm going to adopt them"... the other day I even started talking to them about my views on gay marriage. Basically I'd rather them find out on their own, deal with it, then the initial blow up when I do tell them will maybe be a little less. But who knows, I'll have to do some major praying before I decide to do that.

I Died & Rose Again

So Easter Sunday was last week and which marked the end of lent. It was probably the most interesting Easter weekend I've had in my whole life not to mention one of the most interesting endings to lent (I gave up caffeine). On Good Friday I went through an experience that was like dying. I found myself in the park by what used to be my best friend's house late that night; curled up inside a slide on the playground there, I was all but completely broken. When I finally did get the motivation to leave the park it was for the satisfaction of a few drinks so that I could forget why I had come to that park. In a few hours, needless to say, I was hammered. I was finally able to kill that piece of me.

The next day, Saturday, my friend invited me to come along with her to visit my best friend's mom. It was such an amazing experience! I felt like I was then burying that piece that I had killed the day before. As the day went on I got to know her more and more and as we reminisced about my lost friend, her son, I was beginning to feel something for the first time in months. There were other amazing things that happened that day but that was the best of them.

Early Easter morning as I sat in Easter Sunday service the words of the pastor struck a special chord with my heart. I felt as if I had risen from the dead that day along with Christ Jesus! I had a miraculous weekend... I honestly I feel I haven't really been living for six months now and I finally died on Good Friday. I think that weekend was to show me that even though my best friend is gone that my life can truly go on for me as well as for others. To see how well his mother was doing really helped me in that.

... All theology aside, I delved too deep into caffeine last week which resulted in this...