I didn't want to use this blog to necessarily talk about personal aspects of my life, but I think just this once it might be okay for me to take the time to try and answer some of my friends questions. "If you're in love with him and he's in love with you too, why aren't you together?" When a friend asked me this question last week, I tried to give a suitable answer, but I was trying to give a quick answer. The simple answer. Really there's not a simple answer to that question. The complexities to what seem like simple enough aspects of life overwhelm me at times.
Why are my ex boyfriend & I not back together? I can only tell you what I know & what I think I know. As far as what I know... he told me that though he's still in love with me & feels as if he might never get over me, he's moved on to a different part of his life and that though I am still a part of it, I'm not a part of it in that way & if we were to get back together he feels like it might be set him back. We've both changed so much in this past year and I honestly think that he feels we'd revert back into the old versions of ourselves if we got back together.
I know that I broke his heart. I know that for months he thought I betrayed him in more than one way. I was doing what was best for the both of us though he didn't see at the time. What I know is that it's hard to let someone else back into your life after they've caused you so much pain. You don't know that they won't hurt you again.
What I think I know is that he misses being with me but is scared to try it out again for fear it won't work. Frankly, I'm scared of the same thing. Thus, I don't really know how I feel about this whole situation. I think I know that he doesn't want to do the long distance thing again, also. It's a lot of work & we're young people who don't need that much stress in our lives. Though, for him, I wouldn't mind it. I think I know in my heart of hearts that he's the only heterosexual relationship I'll ever have that actually works... at this point I'm thinking maybe homosexual relationships won't work out either and honestly, I'm okay with that. The good times with my ex boyfriend overshadow all of the bad times that came with that relationship.
If things don't work out now... some day our lives will settle down and we'll cross paths again, I think know that; I at least like to hope for that.
5 years. 5 years in total. heading to add a half more. 5 years being in love: 3 years having a relationship, 2 years being apart, half year breathing again.
ReplyDeleteI changed. He changed. through our relationship, from our relationship. 2 years being a zombie without him, having him not talking to me, I decided to pack up my things and go. really far away. 7 months later, he is next to me walking in London. Now, he is not here but he will come really soon.
Yes, I am scared he is going to break my heart again and again. but till now, being 26, this has been the only true joy of my life. being next to him, love him, and hoping he will make me happy for ever.
Don't stay still. Breathe, live. but never never stop hoping. it would def be the point of being dead. lots of hugs, dimi