So tell me…
Are you dating any boys?
By no means!
But my heart does seem
To sing with songs of love lately.
Isn’t that a bit precarious?
No boy to sing your love song?
No boy,
But someone sings the notes
That make up my soul daily.
Though, I have a feeling
You wouldn’t care for them.
How does that work?
This singing with no boy?
And about this feeling,
How do you know I wouldn’t care for them?
This boy you speak of
Is no boy at all.
In actuality, she is the best woman I’ve ever known.
Her soul fills my heart with joy and my eyes with tears.
You care least about her soul, though.
She is not a he.
And that is all that matters.
Not the best but I felt like posting it.
Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts
Monday, December 27, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
I Feel It In My Bones
What is lying, really?
When I change the pronoun "she" to "them" or "they" when talking about a situation with a girl to friends... is that a lie? When I tell co-workers I spent the previous night singing karaoke at a local bar but leave out the gay bar detail... is that a lie? I mean really what does constitute a lie, because if this whole lying by omission idea has a solid foundation, I've buried myself deep. My whole life has literally become one lie after another, & I've become scarily good at skirting my way around the truth; you know never technically telling a lie.
In this I literally have created two different worlds for myself, the one in which my bisexual self lives, and alternately, the one in which my straight self exists. For a while these worlds existed completed separately & in perfect harmony. Recently however, my two worlds have begun to collide & I'm beginning to have trouble living in the middle of what has become this kind of Venn diagram type of life.
The lying, if that's what we call it, has frequently become a daily task. Living in this way is painful and a chore. Many of these people that only know half of my truth have actually turned out to be some of the most important people in my life. Truly this is the reason it is all so painful. I want more than anything for these people to really be able to know me. It feels wrong to keep holding back a part of my life that defines so much of who I've become over the past few years. However, with all of my deceiving I'm not sure any of these people are ready to actually hear the truth. It's not even something I'm sure how to say.
Until I do something, though, I'll have this feeling gnawing at bones, telling me that something isn't right within my life. Though I know I haven't directly lied to anyone, I've deceived many, and I'm sure it's time to make that right.
When I change the pronoun "she" to "them" or "they" when talking about a situation with a girl to friends... is that a lie? When I tell co-workers I spent the previous night singing karaoke at a local bar but leave out the gay bar detail... is that a lie? I mean really what does constitute a lie, because if this whole lying by omission idea has a solid foundation, I've buried myself deep. My whole life has literally become one lie after another, & I've become scarily good at skirting my way around the truth; you know never technically telling a lie.
In this I literally have created two different worlds for myself, the one in which my bisexual self lives, and alternately, the one in which my straight self exists. For a while these worlds existed completed separately & in perfect harmony. Recently however, my two worlds have begun to collide & I'm beginning to have trouble living in the middle of what has become this kind of Venn diagram type of life.
The lying, if that's what we call it, has frequently become a daily task. Living in this way is painful and a chore. Many of these people that only know half of my truth have actually turned out to be some of the most important people in my life. Truly this is the reason it is all so painful. I want more than anything for these people to really be able to know me. It feels wrong to keep holding back a part of my life that defines so much of who I've become over the past few years. However, with all of my deceiving I'm not sure any of these people are ready to actually hear the truth. It's not even something I'm sure how to say.
Until I do something, though, I'll have this feeling gnawing at bones, telling me that something isn't right within my life. Though I know I haven't directly lied to anyone, I've deceived many, and I'm sure it's time to make that right.
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