Blame It On The Alcohol

I was told by a friend that I just need to be more care free like her & not worry so much about relationships... The only reason she's so carefree is because of the alcohol. I know this because even though she wants to pretend like no one understands where she's coming from, I'm the same way as her. Every time I'm in a rough situation I want to drink. I want to be able to separate myself from reality in such a way that I forget everything that has happened to me. However, I've lost too many close friends and family to drug/alcohol addiction, so even though in most cases all I want to do is drink the pain away & become this carefree version of myself that I love, I refrain from even touching one drink.
In the past I've made it my rule of thumb that alcoholic drinks are only to be consumed when I'm at a happy point in my life. In this, I don't become dependent on it. Unfortunately, last night I broke my rule & just after one night of relying on this drug to suppress my connection with reality, I want so badly to go out and drink again. I know it's not a good idea to begin this cycle but when I woke this morning my first thoughts weren't of how much I miss my best friend or how heart broken I am. Instead I woke up with a clear mind, thinking of absolutely nothing. It was so incredibly refreshing!
I have an addictive personality & alcoholism runs in my family... I know I shouldn't go out tonight but the bad feelings are coming back & it's becoming harder to say no to parties when I know that this short disconnect from reality creates the best feelings I've felt in months.